


under stars, we are alone

by pierianabeyance



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, I mean sort of, Temporary Character Death, but its fine guys...because time loops, i literally just have not been able 2 stop thinking about these Possibilities all week, idk how injuries work irl and i dont really care its almost midnight take this, they're both Ya Know dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-21
Updated: 2017-04-21
Packaged: 2018-10-22 01:28:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10686960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pierianabeyance/pseuds/pierianabeyance
Summary: "You're going to get yourself killed," Taako had chided as the two of them watched their fourth year fade into their fifth, the ship only half as full as it had been when they'd arrived.In response Lup had only smirked, tearing her eyes away from the end of the world and linking her arm through his. "I'd come back," she'd said, an air of teasing to her voice, but they both knew the weight of their words.They learn the hard way that being alone is just as terrible as they'd always imagined, but here's the thing: they always come back.---OR: I haven't been able to stop thinking about what it must be like for them to see each other die what the fuck! Help!





	under stars, we are alone

**Author's Note:**

> i should like so be asleep right now and also have so much homework & studying to do and also a fic that i havent updated in like? A Month? but i literally cant stop thinking abt these two dying i need these ideas out of me head so here i am writing a fic for this God Dam Podcast...if i have to suffer other ppl have to suffer with me  
> no proofreading we die like men this is the most jumbled, scattered, disjointed garbage i hav ever written in my gay life  
> i dont have a solid grasp on either of their personalities this is just??/?? so self indulgent i hate it goodnigh  
> EDIT i apparently could not handle Dying Like A Man bc i had 2 come back and proofread the lack of preparation i did before posting this was kiling me all day AND ADDED A LIL THING TO THE END HAHA im dying.  
> KEEP CATCHIN TYPOS AAA

Taako watches Lup die during the conclusion of their tenth year, amidst panic and destruction not unlike the panic and destruction in the last nine goddamn universes. There had really been nothing of note about this one, a quiet, peaceful, and sparsely populated world; three things which Taako could only imagine went hand in hand in hand. Looking up at the black fog clouding the sky and listening to the terrified shrieks of the doomed inhabitants, he takes a brief moment to look back on his year and wonder if perhaps he would go as far to say he enjoyed it, liked it, even. But then, he thinks, no - no, best not to think about liking it. It's gone anyways now, beyond their help, beyond bothering to try, and thinking that maybe he liked it for a little while would just make him feel a little bad to accept. So no, he thinks, he didn't much care for it at all. Or at least didn't care _about_ it at all. It's a little too late for caring and the whole end of the world or whatever is out of their hands so Taako does what Taako has always done best and he runs.  
  
(All the running, he thinks, is getting tedious.)  
  
If Lup is getting tired of the apocalypse, it doesn't show. Much like the apocalypse itself, Lup is a constant, a relentless, powerful constant. Lup's first instinct when she sees the darkness is not to run, not to get out of the goddamn way, that had always been very much Taako's responsibility. Lup's first instinct is to _fight,_  to make sure that if she left, _when_ she left, when Taako reached for her hand and pulled it in the opposite direction and led them sprinting to the nearest cover they could find, she left having had the last laugh and she left _scars_. That was Lup. Gritting her teeth and sticking close to Taako's heels and turning backwards every few feet to fire a few spells and flames into the darkness lurking behind them before turning back around, rinse and repeat.  
  
"You're going to get yourself killed," Taako had chided as the two of them watched their fourth year fade into their fifth, the ship only half as full as it had been when they'd arrived.  
  
In response Lup had only smirked, tearing her eyes away from the end of the world and linking her arm through his. "I'd come back," she'd said, an air of teasing to her voice, but they both knew the weight of their words and they kept themselves closely together until they heard Magnus start to complain about his black eye (the novelty of which had begun to wear off since the first day he wore it proudly; now he just spent the first couple of weeks waiting for the damn thing to fade.)  
  
The thing then was, though, that Lup never _did_ get herself killed. It's not that she was entirely reckless or incapable of thinking enough about what she did to be considered careful, because if she wasn't careful enough for the world than she never would have survived this long to begin with. If there was one thing she'd learned in all of her time, one thing that both of them had learned, it was the importance of being careful, to a certain extent - along with of course everything else that came with that; the distrust, the independence, the lack of ability to form any kind of emotional connection with anyone else - they both knew well not to let their guards down, to keep themselves safe if for no other reason than to keep _each other_ safe.  
  
(At least, Taako is fairly certain at the fact, shuddering at the thought of being left at the mercy of the universe, or the multiverse, or whatever the hell _alone_.)  
  
So it's not really that Lup isn't careful. It's more so that Lup, with sparks dancing off the end of her tongue and the tips of her fingers, Lup in all her beautiful, blazing, burning glory, can't walk away from a fight before she's left enough of something behind. Lup runs, sure, lets her brother's hand grasp tightly to her own and lead her away from the storms that always seem to be brewing in their paths, but Lup leaves _scars_.  
  
The tenth apocalypse is no different.  
  
(Not right away, that is.)  
  
This does not change: A year goes by. The sky darkens. Taako sees the color start to drain from the world around them and Taako does not wait to watch what happens next. Taako grabs Lup's hand and starts running.  
  
Like she always does, Lup follows and Lup fights. She bares her teeth and laughs the whole way because that's just what she does; laughs in the face of danger, in the face of death, and she leaves it to burn behind her while she kicks dirt in its face and makes her escape. By the time the familiar darkness descends from above to usher in the destruction of another world, Taako and Lup are halfway back to the ship. Taako is focused on keeping the direction clear, making sure they end up where they need to end up. Lup is hurling fire into the void of a beast, shrieking with an adrenaline-fueled laughter.  
  
This, however, is what's different: The Hunger, as it's recently been dubbed, is stronger now than before. Which in itself isn't new, it's kind of what everyone figured was happening. Not only is it stronger than before, though, it's stronger than expected. And - and see, this is where things take a turn for the worst - it's faster. Not that they were ever slow per se, but the creatures that descend from the darkness above this time move with a swiftness and efficiency that neither Lup nor Taako quite remember them having before, colors flashing rapidly across the following shadow and reflecting a rainbow across Lup's face the next time she turns around to aim a ball of fire at the closest thing to a head she can recognize.

This is what's different: Lup - maybe caught off guard by the ease her attack is dodged with, maybe distracted by the amount of creatures she catches looming in the distance, maybe just out of bad luck - doesn't turn back around in time to avoid stumbling.  
  
This is what's different: Lup falls and Taako follows her to the ground, the two of them hitting the discolored grass with synchronized gasps followed by instinctual expletives.  
  
This is what's different: The Hunger catches up to them fast. _Very_ fast.  
  
Taako does his best to scramble back, pushing himself back with frantic limbs and getting to his feet, firing off a spell of his own with wide eyes at the creature that stops where Lup is still on the ground.  
  
Before Lup gets up, she attacks. Because that's what she does. A burst of flame shoots from her hands and catches the shadow that's begun looming over her right in the center at the very same time Taako's reaches it too, blasting a hole through it and sending it flying back and shutting the flashing lights inside right off. That same adrenaline-fueled laugh bubbles up and out of her again, more of a surprised sound to it, and Taako can't help but laugh along with her when she turns around to look at him and he hurries over to help her quickly to her feet.  
  
"Nice shot," she says, and there's still a laugh on her lips when a thick black tendril comes shooting out from the darkness behind her and pierces her right through the chest, stopping just shy of Taako's own.

For a very, very brief second, neither of them react.  
  
"Lup?" Taako's voice is barely above a whisper and it sounds so small, so childish, that in any other situation he would be downright embarrassed.  
  
She chokes out what sounds like the end of a laugh and Taako sees a small trail of blood begin to dribble from her mouth and she looks at him with wide eyes and says: "Run."  
  
And then Taako watches his sister drop motionless to the ground, her hand sliding easily out of his, and even though he's staring down at her body he catches lights flashing in his peripheral from the area behind where she stood.  
  
He takes one step back.  
  
Then another.  
  
(He wonders, if he cries, will the tear streaks be erased when they move from the ruins of this universe to the last days of another?)  
  
(Well, he'll find out.)  
  
And then Taako turns and Taako runs, because that's what Taako does.  
  
As soon as he gets back to the ship he collapses and when Barry asks where Lup is he doesn't say anything and when Barry tries to sit down next to him he snaps at him to _fuck off,_ because that space already belongs to someone, and if she's not there to claim it than like hell is he going to let anyone else.  
  
(And it's not long before Lup is right back with a laugh on her lips and sparks at the tips of her fingers again and Taako grabs her and hugs her and doesn't let go for a very, very long time.  
  
"Told you I'd be back," she whispers teasingly, but he recognize the tiniest shake in her voice and it doesn't escape his attention that she's clinging to him just as tightly.

At the end of that year when the Hunger comes back, they both still run, and Lup still fights, but this is what's different: Taako does too. Just a little. Just enough. And they both make it back to the ship.)

* * *

 When Lup watches Taako die, it’s before the Hunger even makes it to him.

It’s close, though, the seven of them fear, the inevitability of the fifteenth apocalypse hanging over all of their heads as they hurry to make preparations, throw together some kind of attempt to maybe, just _maybe,_ stop it. But time is dwindling, their days counting down, and really, in Lup’s opinion? She wouldn’t mind the assholes living in this universe getting destroyed, really.

This world, see, had not been quiet or remotely peaceful. This world had long since grown bitter and coldly merciless, treating the red-robed intruders like just that - intruders. Hostility seemed to be the norm around here, and Lup and Taako had caught onto that quick. It was an attitude sourly reminiscent of those the twins had found themselves surrounded by more often than not before they managed to pull together a mission for the IPRE, an attitude that was as callous and indifferent to the lives of others as far too many beings they had encountered before. They’d fared well enough around here, known how to cause enough trouble for enjoyment without getting into too much trouble for themselves to be endangered. They’d stuck close together, which was never really not the case, and they’d watched each other’s backs. It was a routine they knew.

Though, there were differences now than there had been back when their lives played out under lavender skies. Now they had more people they could at least rest half-assured had their backs, and had more backs to watch. More than once they had pulled Magnus out of scuffles that threatened to turn deadly when he ran guns blazing into situations that had nothing to do with him out of his own sense of heroic justice; or saved Barry from getting himself crushed under the feet of intimidating creatures twice his size. It was strange, Lup felt, to have more than one person on her side. She wouldn’t trade Taako for the world and she would be lost without him, but to have a team behind her, a team made up of multiple people? It was...nice, to say the least.

(Even if it was just a little extra nerve-wracking to lose sight of someone in a crowd, even if there was a little extra worry that came along with it. But that, she supposed, was an unfortunate side effect of caring about people, because after fifteen years, how could she not?)

Lup would be the first to admit, maybe she went a little overboard on occasion when dealing with the inhabitants here. Maybe her words were a little too sharp, the gleam in her eyes a little too blinding, her words carrying a little too much challenge. Bad as it sounded when she really looked at the atmosphere around her and compared it to that of the worlds that came before, the fact of the matter was that this was more familiar to her than any peace they'd come across. Planets that held hands and lived quietly were delicate, eerie - maybe the illusion would shatter and maybe it wouldn't, but regardless of what was really  ahead she would always be waiting for the penny to drop. But this? This was something she knew, this was something she could predict. So she and Taako slipped back into old habits, sly smiles across dimly lit bars and keeping tricks hidden so deep up their sleeves that only they themselves would know what was coming. She knew her way around the world but that didn’t mean she would keep her head down just in the name of safety while she navigated it. She would have fun, and if fun meant a few fights that Taako had to help her either in or out of, that’s what she was going to fucking get. So they made dares and took bets and gambled a few poor suckers out of their shit in half-rotted taverns with drinks made of ingredients they’d never heard of, and all things considered it's a damn fun year.

Until it isn’t.

(Taako had warned her not to wager what they did, warned her that the guy was cheating and there was no damn way they’d win, to just come back another time when they’re better prepared. He wanted to hang back, stand on the other side of the door looking in, gauge the situation and see for himself what would work. But Lup had a fire in her eyes that could not be resisted and they were both itching for a little bit of fun, so they did what they did and now came time to face the music.)

(Nothing they hadn’t dealt with before, really.)

(Maybe, she thinks numbly after, she's just out of practice.)

Until they get a little too in over their heads without even realizing what’s happening, until there are four menacing shadows looming over them that are far less intimidating to Lup when they lack a technicolor flare, but she catches Taako’s eyes darting quickly around for some kind of exit route.

The year stops being fun when a weapons are pulled on them, a mix of sharpened objects made of stone and iron and glass, and a hand is held out impatiently towards them expecting some kind of payment to appear in it.

Taako has seen Lup die once before and he doesn’t plan on seeing it again, so he positions himself in the forefront of the action in an impulse decision that he’s not used to making, but he stands tall and matches the gaze of their now-enemies, unwavering.

Lup opens her mouth to say something, but Taako beats her too it.

“Look, fellas,” he says, and despite the steadiness to his voice, the calm, Lup knows him better than to believe he isn’t a little bit worried. “You want the truth? The truth is, some real bad shit’s about to go down. Like, supremely bad shit. Like, _world ending_ shit. Pretty soon, you’re not going to be needing any money, capiche?”

“Is that a threat?” Growls the one with its hand out, eyes narrowing menacingly.

“It might be,” Lup says, straightening up to her full height and puffing out her chest. “Do you really want to find out?”

Taako snickers behind her, holding his hand out to study his nails with an air of something like indifference. “I don’t mean to brag, but we’re kind of super fuckin’ awesome.”

“ _Ridiculously_ awesome,” Lup adds, pulling together a ball of flames in her palm which she raises to hold out in the general direction of the threat. “Soooo…”

“Soooo…” Taako echos and continues on. “Here’s the deal. We’ve got a lot to do, so we’re gonna go. A’ight?”

“And in return, we won’t kill you.”

“And as a bonus, maybe you won’t die at all!”

“But you still might.”

“Oh, for _sure_ you still might.”

“But we’d rather not be the ones to have to do the killing, y’feel?”

“ _Sooooo-_ ”

Taako doesn’t finish whatever he’s trying to say, because it’s at right about that point that he gets stabbed. A sword pierces him in the lower stomach and is ripped right through, pulled excruciatingly across his skin and through his insides until it slides right out, glistening red coating the silver of the blade.

A lot of things happen at once after that, or at least in a very short amount of time.

There’s a surge of activity that pushes closer towards them, weapons poking dangerously close, only to be forced back when the ground at their feet suddenly erupts with flames.

Taako hits the dirt group with a gash in his stomach that’s just gushing blood and blood and blood and the dirt is stained red faster than Lup can even comprehend, but she does manage to at least register the fact that her brother has just been stabbed.

He sputters and chokes horribly on the ground, his hands reaching weakly up to cover the wound like it’ll make any difference, like it’ll stop any blood from spilling, like maybe he’ll be able to put everything he’s lost back inside. Lup looks down at him and sees his face illuminated in her fire just in time to see the light in his eyes go out, leaving him frozen in pain and shock and a trace of something that she’d swear is fear if she didn’t know any better (didn’t know that Taako would sooner die than admit to fear, except, oh, _wait_ -)

He doesn’t get any last words in. He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t look up at her and whisper _Run,_ he doesn’t get the dramatic last moment that she knows he would want. He just dies. And it’s not even because of the damn Hunger, it’s just because of same asshole in a shitty bar in another fucking universe that’s just as doomed as the rest, and suddenly Lup is screaming and everything inside her is boiling with rage and her vision goes from red to orange because there’s fire all around her, swirling across the floor and swallowing up the wooden furniture and catching in her hair, on her robe. But she doesn’t really care, she doesn’t really give a shit, because what matters is this:

She is alone.

Even with the other five. Even with Magnus and his booming laugh and thrilling impulsiveness; Lucretia and her peaceful, comfortable silence while her pens scratch tirelessly against paper; Barry and his sweet, nerdy kindness and somehow endearing uncertainties and fretting. Even with everyone she’s spent fifteen years learning to trust and enjoy and _fuck_ , maybe even care about, the fact is this: Lup is alone. The fire scorches the dirt that his blood soaked into and a piece of her is lying dead on the floor and she is alone.

She burns the whole place down, but not before she carries him outside and lays him in the nicest patch of grass she can find and cries and cries and cries. And then she realizes that it’s not the end of the world and cries some more, because _god_ , how long until they can move on, how long until she can have him back? She kicks the dirt and she burns down the trees and she curses bystanders under her breath and wonders if maybe she can will the apocalypse to come sooner. When she realizes she can’t, she goes back to the ship and she sits in the room that they share and she doesn’t leave his bed until she hears familiar shrieking and confusion and panic outside, until she can practically _feel_ the cold sensation of darkness encroaching upon the shittiest planet she thinks she’s ever been to.

A little under a month later, during her fifteenth year of forced planar exploration, Lup welcomes the apocalypse with a smile.

(Taako comes back and he goes back to their room because he knows Lup. They hug but not for long because the situation feels to have moved past that, traveled into some other territory entirely where they don’t need to do anything but feel each other’s presences back to back in order to feel secure.

They don’t go out and interact much with the next universe and nobody makes them. They sit in their room, cross-legged on Taako’s bed in a pile of pillows and blankets stolen from the other five and they don’t let anyone else inside.

They whisper to each other all through the day and night about lavender skies and what it feels like to die, what it feels like to lose each other, what it feels like to be alone. They promise each other again and again that there will never come a time that leaves one alone because now they both understand, truly, that it’s even worse than they imagined. They don’t sleep much that year because when they sleep, they dream, and when they dream they dream about flashing lights reflecting on blood-speckled mouths and scorched earth that can’t erase bloodstains.

Lup makes sure Taako is always behind her for a long time after that. He doesn’t argue.)

* * *

Being alone, they learn the hard way, is the worst feeling in the world. No matter how long its for, from minutes to weeks, the crushing feeling of loneliness that comes when they are no longer in each other's sights is nothing that they ever want to face again. And yeah, call that co-dependence, call it needy, even, they don't care - after everything they've seen, don't they deserve that?

The next time they die, they make sure they die together.

They press even closer against each other, standing back to back surrounded by the unyielding storm, wind whipping their hair and their robes all around them and leaving it impossible to tell where one ends and the other begins. Even over the terrible noise of their surroundings Taako is utterly convinced he can hear Lup's heartbeat from where he stands, or maybe he can just feel it all the way through the back of both of their robes, maybe they can just feel each other's like they always have. There's something comforting about her presence despite the fear that's rising in him, something that grounds him about just knowing that she's there. Their spells fire off in sync, following the beating of their hearts, falling in time with each other and sending bursts of color off into the darkness.  
  
Lup laughs and Taako hears the sound clear as day, even through the screaming of the wind, and despite himself he laughs along with her. It's easier now to stand in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the Hunger, easier, with her at his back, to come to terms with their imminent (albeit temporary) consumption.  
  
Lup holds her newly acquired umbra staff with one hand and keeps firing to the rhythm they've found, and her other hand finds her brother's, weaves their fingers together in a familiar fashion that fills them both with the closest feeling to home they've ever known. They keep a tight hold on each other, keep each other together because nothing else will. The Hunger finally makes it through the barrage of spells and reaches for them, cold at their feet and in the air around them.  
  
She laughs again, frantic, howling along with the wind and the two of them start to shout up at the destruction that awaits. They shout and they let the storm carry their voices across the field, challenging death to come take them, to keep them. It won't and they know it, it wouldn't even try - even without the looping, without the resurrecting, without the power that the last few years have shown them, both of them in this moment are positive that death could never hold them back.  
  
Lup turns to look over her shoulder and Taako does the same, just barely catching glimpses of each other. Taako sees just part of Lup's face, half a frenzied grin and an eye wide with fear, and he can only imagine that his face must be the mirror image that it always has been.  
  
"We might have fucked this one up!" Taako shouts, and though he tries not to sound afraid his voice betrays him.  
  
Lup laughs again, shaky, leaning her head back to rest against his and somehow managing to hold his hand even tighter. "See you on the other side, man!"

And they die together and it's okay, because it's better than being alone.

It's okay because they'll always come back.

* * *

 

It's a long time past that now. Taako loses track of the years because he's never really bothered much with measuring time, but sometimes Lup sneaks looks at Lucretia's journals and every so often it hits her just how long it's been. 

Year one hundred comes and Lup is dying alone.

It hasn't been very long here and she can't help but feel embarrassed, this must be some kind of record time. She remembers the year that Merle only lasted two months before he kicked the bucket, remembers the relief at seeing him the following year thinly veiled by teasing, and laughs distantly to herself thinking that he'll never let her forget this now. The cave is no comfortable place to die but she doesn't much feel like moving, so she just leans herself gently against the wall and pretends like she's falling asleep.

She hopes Lucretia doesn't have too much genuine hope that she'll make it back in time to help as she'd promised, because if the ringing in her ears and the darkness dancing blurry in front of her eyes is any indication, Lup thinks she might be beyond any kind of help. Then again, she figures, Lucretia is smart, Lucretia knows better than to kid herself with that by now. Lucretia has probably already gone to deliver the news to the others, so Lup decides that what she really hopes is that Taako doesn't shoot the damn messenger.

_Taako._

Lup's hand clenches the umbra staff with the last of the strength she has and she really, really tries not to cry.

 _He will survive a year alone_ , she grits her teeth and tells herself.  _It will hurt him, but he will survive it._ Taako is stronger than people think and smarter than he'd ever let anyone believe. He will survive a year alone and when the year is up and Lup sees him again he will absolutely _crush_ her in a hug and _never_ let her out of his sight again and make her promise to stop being so _stupid_ , but mostly importantly he will be okay. 

It's just a year. A year and she'll see him again.

(She wonders if she's scared more for him or the thought of being alone _herself_ , wherever she ends up.)

"I'll be back," she whispers confidently to the walls of the cave. "I'll always come back."

(But this time, of course, this is what's different: The world forgets to end.)

We all know where the story goes from here.

 

**Author's Note:**

> mayb come yell with me abt taz on [tumblr](http://celebitxt.tumblr.com) if ya want...i need more mutuals into taz


End file.
